Zachary:
I am writing this unaware of what Ave has already written. I thought it would be interesting to write independently and then see how our reflections on the year compare (or conflict!).
My year was divided exactly in two (to the day!) by July 1st, 2008. Wait, you must be thinking, shouldn’t the day Ave and I got married be the defining day? Well after much thought, the answer is simply no. What follows is a narrative/explanation.
Chapter 1: January 1st to June 30th
The first half of my (our) year was one of exciting and rapid changes. In March, I matched to my first choice residency program: Radiology at the University of Toronto. That meant that my dream of becoming a radiologist, and our shared desire to return to Ontario were simultaneously fulfilled. Those months were full of anticipation as we planned out our wedding and began looking for a place to live in Toronto. In June I graduated with my MD and the day after, Ave and I got married at Strawberry Creek, Alberta. We packed up the car and began a cross-country tour as newlyweds, first to the west coast, and then back to Ontario (about 7000 kms in all). I had been off of school/work for nearly 2 months at that point and felt free like no other time in recent memory.
Those six months were the best of times. It was our last six months in Edmonton; I had my last few meetings with the boys club (including of course celebratory cuban incenindery rods and eau de vie); We had our last walks in the river valley, X-Box tournaments and back-yard bar-b-que’s (what is a back yard again anyways?). We ate and drank and soaked in the end of an era.
Chapter 2: July 1st to Present
Well, the second half of the year was a little different. Our wedding is not the dividing point of the year in my mind just as the climax of a story is never the end of the book but rather its fulfillment before the story’s resolution. Our wedding and my convocation was the culmination of the past 5 years of my life. Our honeymoon and trek back to Toronto ended the era and began the next one.
July 1st I started residency, which heralded paychecks (and bills), new responsibilities both at work and at home and much anxiety. I donned my shackles, er, pager, and had my introduction to the standard 26 hour workday. More than anything, I felt (and still feel) that my time is no longer my own. My choices now are principally how I choose to deal with the situations I am dealt rather than the world being my blank canvas. Maybe that is just a part of growing up, I don’t know.
Being married is great though. I look at my single friends and wonder how on earth they can make it through residency. Avery has been and remains my refuge, my universal supporter, personal gourmet chef and supermodel. Sometimes the thought of coming home to her the next morning is all that keeps me going at 3 am when I haven’t slept in almost 24 hours.
So here we are, and here I am. Working and married life is here to stay (I have to say I like one a lot more than the other). I am now a husband, physician, sleep deprived zombie. I’ve thought briefly about starting to buy lottery tickets . . . but have resolved myself to push onward, find the good in my job, be present always and open myself to the endless possibilities that I believe still lie beneath the surface. I resolve to work out a new complicated freedom that will be, perhaps, even better than the previous one.
Avery:
I have restarted this letter a couple of times by now. I left a month between the first two drafts and I feel that my thoughts have changed too much from then to keep it as my final draft. I am trying to reflect on 2008 when 2009 is quite fresh. Christmas feels so long ago. We are almost through the bleak ending of winter. The monochromatic landscape is shifting from whites and greys to browns. Soon there will be an abundance of colour.
By this time last year, Zak had already finished his interviews for his residency at many different schools across the country. We were anxiously awaiting the results of where we would live for the next five years. Perhaps March is like the beginning of a new year for as it was when things were set in motion for us last year.
I look back in my journal and find that I felt like we were holding our breath until we found out where we were moving. Once we found out we were moving to Toronto we began planning the wedding, our move and finding an apartment. I also feel that our last few months in Edmonton (March-June) I felt the most alive and involved in a community than I had felt in the three years preceding. I was settling into prairie life. I was actively involved in our church through Girls club, College and Career and occasionally in worship services. I was integrated into Campus life through my job at CaPS, and I was enjoying my studies. I was soaking up as much of my favourite place as in Edmonton as I could – the river valley. I went for many runs breathing in the landscape each time as though each time was my last time there.
I learned a great deal of who I am and who I am in relation to Zak, while I was in Edmonton. We started making a life for ourselves in Edmonton because at first we only had each other, we were so far away from family.
Now that we have moved to Toronto we are learning again what it is like to make a home together. We are very happy to be living close to our families again and make many visits to St. Catharines, the Cottage (Allenford) and Kitchener-Waterloo. We are struggling to find a community in this new place (Toronto) and new landscape that we now live in. We have been living downtown for our first 8 months here and we feel quite disconnected from the landscape and the people that are around us. It is a very populated area, but we barely even see our neighbors in our apartment hall. It has been difficult for me to get used to the lack of green space here as well. There are trees scattered throughout the downtown lining the streets, but it seems as though they are barely surviving – they are surrounded by concrete and have only a small patch of dirt to collect water.
Our fate is not as bleak as the trees lining the streets downtown though – we have found a church community at Toronto United Mennonite. We are slowly getting to know the people there and there are many couples our age as well. This spring we hope to find an apartment in the High Park/Roncesvalles area – which is a community beside a park that is almost 400 acres! We hope to enjoy many runs, walks and picnics there.
jwp said:
I am thankful for you both and the gift you are to Becky and I (and EMO)
JWP
Justin said:
Hey you two,
It is nice to hear what the last year has been like from your perspectives. Zak, I’m still impressed and encouraged by your success in school and in finding your residency. Though I can scarcely imagine what a 26 hour work-day is like (watching Men in Black where they depict a 36 hour workday is the closest I can come to imagining it), I encourage you to keep pressing forward as you’ve already committed to doing.
Avery, have you been able to find pieces of solace in all the concrete and steel around you? I know you find refuge in green, but have you been able to find beauty it grey? I ask because I’m having trouble doing so myself. I go from one day to the next running from building to building rarely spending time outside of them. When I do look into God’s creation instead of man’s I tend to have my breath taken away. There was one exception in recent memory when I was walking through the new underground passage along 76ave at 114st. I started singing and the reverb in that tunnel was fantastic! It made me smile all the way home.
Just to let you know, here’s what’s been happening with me:
School is eating up my time faster than I thought possible, but amazingly my degree is coming to a close. This is my last semester! What am I going to do afterward? Everybody keeps asking me and I do have a plan to go to bible college for a year. I hope to spend about half of that course-load with musical aspects and delve into scripture a little more heavily. This year would be for re-focussing my life on God after spending so long in a secular society (the UofA). After that I’m looking into a couple of options like either going straight into the workforce to get my PEng (that takes 4 years), or go into more schooling now where I can add a medicinal aspect to the nanoengineering I have already so I can directly enter the field I would like to: nanotechnology applications in medicine; specifically interactions of electronic and biological systems.
I don’t know if you guys know yet, but Miriam and I broke up in August 08, because of my own walls and insecurities and I’ve been doing some self-searching since then. I met with a Christian Counsellor very recently to address some of these issues and he helped me find clarity, focus and a new understanding/connection with Jesus. The positive effects on my life have been many and multifacited.
Justin
Anika said:
Zak! Avery!
I am so glad to hear that you are both doing well!
Avery, I wish I could pack up the river valley and ship it to you two in a box! It’s so sad to hear that you (of all people) are lacking things green! I wonder if UPS has a container big enough, and on top of that, would you have the room? There is only one antidote to this problem… well, I am sure there are many, but it makes a wonderful excuse for you to come out here to visit us this summer for a bit! *grins*
Zak! I could not in a million years imagine you as a zombie! I can, however, imagine that workload that you are under must be incredible. I am also glad that God has given you Avery to be your support during this crazy time. What a gem she is!
I will continue to pray for the two of you, and I am so happy that you both look back at your time in Edmonton with fondness. I know that we miss you both terribly on this end.
Thank you so much for the update!
God Bless!